Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
