A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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