Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize