I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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