Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
