Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
