Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Damn victory sex feels great
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
