Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
