He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
