she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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