why didn't you poke me back
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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