All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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