I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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