mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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