The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
