I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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