I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He did a backflip because drugs
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