Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
