Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
