oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize