I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
