He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
