u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm like, not good at living.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
