How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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