so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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