Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
