Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
