WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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