Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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