I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
