When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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