I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
