she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
