Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
