just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Girls should come with a carfax report
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
