I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
