EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize