we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Terrible idea I love it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
