oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
