Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
