The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's blow job season.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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