I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
