When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
