She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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