I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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