I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
