I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
