Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize