When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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