the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
