The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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