Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I died a long time ago.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
