there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
