The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
