your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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