he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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