You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
