Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
