Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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