Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
