I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
