all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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