The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
