There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize