I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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