glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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