im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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