It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
