We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
